How Pottery Healed my Loneliness

Alright, gang, here’s another very personal topic for you, because you know I keep it real. I was probably clinically lonely for the last 4 years and still am, but I am finally climbing out of the valley, thanks to a wonderful community I discovered through my wife at the Red Ox Clay Studio.

It all started about a year ago when my wife was turning 40, and I kept hearing her talk about how much she wanted to do pottery. So, I signed her up for a class, got her some materials, and a book about pottery. She then became obsessed, as she normally does. We got a wheel, a kiln, a ton of pottery gear, and then she finally pushed me to sign up for a class in January. I was very reluctant, as I normally am starting new things, but I did it. I showed up and found I actually loved the process of making ceramics. It’s been probably about 10 years since I’ve flexed my creative muscles.

Some mugs I made while experimenting with different glazes

So, I’m in this class, I’m unemployed, and I’ve got an itch for this thing. I think you can see where this is going... I also became obsessed, as I am not really the type to do things by halves. I started showing up to the studio every single day it was open to the students from 1-6 pm, Monday through Saturday. I started chatting with everyone, as I am the typical golden retriever husband. I met so many wonderful people there, some of whom I will probably be friends with for a very long time, as we all have very similar hobbies and lifestyles.

There are people from very different professional backgrounds, so there’s not much work talk. There’s also no way to use your phone because your hands are usually covered in clay or glaze, so there’s rarely people on their phones. It’s truly wonderful, and people are very present, which is quite refreshing. The pottery studio consists of members, who are professional potters, and students, so it’s a wonderful mix of people and skill ranges. Everyone there helps each other and talks about techniques, so you can absorb a ton of information while you are there for a few hours just by listening.

One of my first mugs

Okay, so why am I telling you all this? The reason why this is such an important story is because the lifestyle I had was incredibly unhealthy, as I was often going weeks or months without conversing with friends in person. Most of the people I’ve met have either been at the gym, through Heather’s art business, or through work. And when it’s through work, they are often not local, so I rarely meet these people in person. This may be the reality for more than just me, sadly, as remote work has caused what people are saying is a loneliness epidemic. There’s a detailed blog post that Scott Galloway wrote recently that’s quite concerning, as I may have been part of that group. Here’s two of his graphs that really struck me as concerning (below).

Learning new things is exhausting so be prepared for the best sleep of your life.

So, what’s my summary? First off, you aren’t alone; this is impacting so many people. Secondly, there are so many incredible communities of people doing things in every area; you just have to take a bit of a leap and get uncomfortable, meet some people, feel awkward, but keep an open mind and listen to their stories. You may be surprised at how much you learn and connect with people when you just pay more attention and keep an open mind. The pottery studio is just one example of how to do this.

Now, I make it a habit to not only get into a social environment at least 4 days a week for 2-3 hours but also try my best to give people compliments and say hi, as this is an important habit for all of us earthlings. It’s not easy living right now, and a simple smile, wave, or compliment could make someone's day.

Alright, gang, keep it rolling and stay strong. Love You!

Also, if you're a fan of checklists like I am, I've provided a quick guide below so you can outline your path.

Discovering and Pursuing a Hobby

1. Identify a Hobby or Interest: Reflect on what excites you or something new you'd like to explore.

2. Research Local Classes or Groups: Use community resources or online platforms to find groups or classes near you.

3. Sign Up for a Class: Make the commitment to join a class and stick with it.

4. Invest in the Necessary Tools or Materials: Equip yourself with the essentials needed for your hobby to practice at home.

5. Practice Regularly Outside of Class: Dedicate personal time to hone your skills and deepen your interest in the hobby.

Enhancing Social Interactions

1. Interact with Fellow Participants: Engage in conversations and share experiences with others in your class or group.

2. Offer and Ask for Help: Don’t hesitate to exchange advice or assistance with fellow hobbyists.

3. Join or Form a Social Group Related to Your Hobby: Look for or start social groups to connect with others who share your interests.

4. Expand Your Social Interactions: Seek opportunities to socialize outside of your hobby-related activities.

5. Be Open to Making New Friends: Embrace the potential for new friendships that share common interests.

Building a Social Routine

1. Attend Regularly and Participate Fully: Commit to your classes or group meetings consistently.

2. Limit Phone Usage During Activities: Stay present by minimizing distractions from your phone.

3. Incorporate Social Activities into Your Routine: Regularly include social engagements in your schedule to ensure ongoing interaction.

4. Give Compliments and Be Positive: Foster a positive environment through kindness and compliments.

5. Keep an Open Mind and Be Patient: Understand that developing new relationships and skills takes time and openness.