Embracing Failure: The Gateway to Resilience and Growth

How I’ve failed

I have faced failure more times in my life than I'd like to admit. School was never my forte, and accolades in sports or extracurricular activities were rare. Neither was I the smartest or the best in my professional endeavors. Yet, mastering the art of handling failure has become an indispensable skill for me. This is crucial for several reasons: to hone your skills, persevere through challenging times while maintaining physical and mental strength, and to remain compassionate towards your loved ones during such periods.

Why we think this way

Our culture’s skewed focus on success makes learning to cope with failure and overcoming obstacles incredibly challenging. Failures, when highlighted in the media, are often perceived negatively. Consequently, our discussions about failure, whether with ourselves or others, are tainted with shame or false optimism, which can invalidate the emotions tied to the experience. We, as a society, haven't yet found a constructive approach to process failures. The diverse lessons we learned as children from our parents have shaped our current perspectives. It's time to re-evaluate our understanding of failure and recognize its significance.

Breaking the frame

Failure is indicative of your venture into challenging territories, learning what doesn't work in the process. It's a testament to your courage to step outside your comfort zone and confront barriers, be it in a race you couldn't complete, a project that didn't unfold as planned, or a relationship that ended. Such barriers present a choice: to learn from the experience and make informed decisions moving forward or to halt your progress. When faced with obstacles, it's essential to analyze them objectively. Determine whether physical limitations hindered your progress, like an injury during a race, and dissect the situation to understand how you could have avoided this setback. In software development, this process is known as a retrospective.

Now that we've reframed our perspective on failure, let's explore how to manage it healthily. Below are some strategies that have proven effective in dealing with failure:

Firstly, anticipate failure before it occurs. Although it's crucial not to obsess over potential outcomes, preparing for unintended results is wise. Conduct a premortem by listing possible setbacks. This exercise allows you to preemptively address high-risk issues. For instance, while training for a 50K, my coach pointed out that many runners neglect downhill training, leading to fatigue during downhill sections. To counter this, he incorporated downhill training days to build endurance. This principle applies broadly: lack of preparation often underpins interview failures, while communication breakdowns usually cause relationship problems. So, enhance your preparation and communication skills accordingly.

Secondly, when failure strikes, revert to your premortem document and identify the outlined scenario. If it's not listed, initiate the retrospective phase. Evaluate what could have been done differently, identify your strengths and weaknesses in the situation, and delineate your action items and next steps. This process, known as an after-action report in military parlance or a postmortem in severe cases, provides a structured framework for self-assessment. Approach this exercise with an open mind and heart, as critiquing oneself can be challenging. To maintain objectivity, I often imagine giving advice to someone else or receiving feedback from a mentor, creating a cognitive distance from the situation.

Lastly, compile your learnings and take another shot. Brush off the dust and rise! Each failure is a lesson, pushing you beyond your comfort zones, signaling opportunities for personal growth and resilience-building through adversity. The more you practice, the stronger you'll become, and the closer you'll get to your goals. Utilize this information to draft or amend your objectives. A good rule of thumb is to set goals that are 70-80% achievable, ensuring they are neither too easy nor too challenging. Ensure each failure propels you closer to a larger goal, allowing for precise adjustments to your targets. For instance, a 10K test race at your desired pace before the main event can provide valuable insights into your training status.

Conclusion

In conclusion, integrate failure management into your overarching project plan. Assess and document failures as they occur, incorporating the insights gained into your developmental roadmap. This strategy will equip you to navigate the inevitable bumps along your journey effectively, steering you closer to your desired outcomes.