From Anxious to Excited

Sister, (left), Dad (center), Me (right), just finished dinner at our favorite Sushi spot in Santa Cruz, Mobo Sushi

After about a year of "fuck this shit, I’m done" energy and trying to manage my anxiety in a healthier way, I’ve got some stories to share.

So, rewind to this time last year: I hadn’t been on a plane in like 7 years (maybe more), hadn’t stayed in a hotel much — especially not for long, and definitely not by myself. I wasn’t doing anything particularly physically demanding. I was petrified when I went to SF for GDC last year (so many people!), and generally just didn’t love being around large crowds. I was afraid of a lot of stuff. So yeah, basically, a bit of a wreck.

And I hit a breaking point. I don’t like being like that. I’m actually super outgoing, I love to travel, I love doing fun things — I am not built for the anxious lifestyle. I’m sure other anxious folks feel similarly, but I’ll just speak for myself.

So here we are, a full year later. What happened?

Well, this time last year, I had a job offer (yay!) and some travel plans (less yay, because they required flying). I needed to visit my dad in LA, wanted to take my wife to Hawaii (her favorite place), and hoped to do more local fun stuff — shows, a day in SF, little overnight stays in Marin or Santa Cruz. All of it felt scary.

But I just said, fuck it. You’re doing them one at a time. Build up to Hawaii.

Trip 1: Overnight to Tiburon

Small potatoes for most, but HUGE for me. I really didn’t like being away from home, so this felt like a good low-risk move — close to home, short stay. This is basically what’s called a "fear ladder." I ranked my fears and planned incremental steps. For example: scared of hotels? Stay close to home first.

The result? Totally fine. A little freaked out on that long bridge to Marin, but otherwise good. My wife was with me and super supportive — major win.

Trip 2: LA (Flight #1 in a Decade)

The build-up to Hawaii continued. This time we flew JSX from Concord to Burbank — kinda semi-private, crazy expensive but super chill.

It was my first flight in like 7–10 years. And I was OK! I used everything I’d learned from The Anxious Truth book. I leaned into the fear and treated it as growth. Fear setting helped: What happens if I don’t do this? The consequence of not facing it felt way worse than sitting with the fear.

Flight back? Even easier.

Trip 3: LA Again — Solo This Time

As my old boss said, "We need repetitions." I knew from marathon training that repetition is everything.

This time I flew from Oakland, alone, on Southwest (ugh). Way harder.

Security and airports in general are super triggering for me. I had a bit of a freakout pre-flight, but I told myself, "There’s no fucking way you’re not getting on that plane." One second at a time, breathe, focus. Takeoff is the worst, but once I’m in the air, I’m fine.

Bonus challenges on this trip: riding shotgun with my dad in LA traffic (not relaxing), running every day to clear out the jitters, and generally staying present. Exhaustion helps — by the end of each day, I had zero energy left for anxiety.

Then Life Happened

Plans got shuffled due to animal sickness (future tearjerker post incoming). I spent the rest of 2024 doing pottery, taking care of my critters, and adjusting to a new administration (don’t even get me started).

Now it’s March 1st, 2025. I just turned 40. I’m excited. I’m still anxious. I’m thinking about flying over an ocean and imagining all the worst-case scenarios — but I will endure.

I’ve got my cozy outfit, my stuffed animal, my Switch (yes, I’m a child), and a ridiculous number of snacks. My friend used to call me a human piñata. I prefer to think of it as a 5-hour snack-fueled movie session in the sky.

I had my usual freakout at the airport. Popped in my headphones. Wrote in my journal (seriously helps — highly recommend). And told myself: There’s no fucking way we’re turning back now. You’re getting on that damn plane even if it kills you.

Yeah, I’m hard on myself. But I truly believe the only way out of anxiety is through the fear. You can take meds, but long term they can make it harder. So I breathe, remind myself that thoughts are just clouds passing by, and remember that the cure for my anxiety is confidence and creativity.

(Also brought my crochet kit, because of course I did.)

Hawaii, Finally

And just like that — we’re in Hawaii. Our favorite place.

But wait — bonus challenges!

GDC for 3 days straight (completely fried my brain and social battery)
Immediate trip to Santa Cruz to visit family (total boss fight)

And I did it. All of it. I was exhausted, sure — slept 10 hours a night for 3 days straight afterward — but I did it.

No panic attacks. No bailouts. I breathed, I accepted the feelings, and let them pass. Like clouds.

So What Did I Learn?

Bring a journal everywhere — write even when you don’t feel like it.
Less phone, less media — total game changer.
Shift mindset from fear to creativity and confidence.

I hope this post helps someone move toward their own goals. Or at least feel a little more seen. Anxiety is still part of my life — it’s constant. But each day is a new shot. Some are calm, some are tough. Accepting where I am in each moment helps me accept myself more too.

Sending you all the love ❤️